Trigger Down with Pop Country 72 Comments

WARNING: Language How and why is Brantley Gilbert even still a thing? At this point, what kind of audio atrocity does this fuck knuckle have to perpetrate upon the listening public before he’s summarily purged from polite society entirely and forevermore, and his music sequestered in a hermetically-sealed vault so it can never again assault the ears of the American populous? He’s so bad, he literally had ESPN cancelling music performances on Monday Night Football a few years back. But somehow, inexplicably, Gilbert has outdone himself here with the level of creative depravity and public embarrassment, and with the chubby and disappointing Jason Aldean in tow. “Rolex® On A Redneck?” …and yes, with the little ‘®’ so he makes sure he doesn’t get sued for his blatant non-commissioned commercial passed off as a “song”? What an ass this dude is. Eat your heart out Walker Hayes and Applebee’s. If I only had two bullets and was in a room with Vladimir Putin, Aleksandr Lukashenko, and a speaker blasting “Rolex® On A Redneck,” I’d shoot the speaker twice. Fuck sanctions, get Elon Musk to deploy some low orbit satellites over the Russkies blasting this hot garbage, and they’ll be out of Ukraine and relinquishing their claim on Crimea and Donbas in less than 24 hours. Just make sure that a public broadcast of this song wouldn’t instigate a war crimes tribunal in The Hague for crimes against humanity. Larping as a ode to hard working rural folks, “Rolex® On A Redneck” is really just a laundry list of product endorsements from Gilbert for stuff actual farmers would never be caught dead with. Dusty Bumpkins on a sorghum patch outside of OshKosh isn’t sporting a Rolex® unless it was smuggled out of a POW camp in some dude’s ass like that storyline in Pulp Fiction. Nor would he pay $1,200 for a plastic Yeti® cooler when he can just fill a galvanized horse trough with ice. And he wouldn’t pay $4,500 for a brand new camo-wrapped Benelli® shotgun when his Mossberg handed down from three generations will take down a turkey this fall just fine. In fact, the premise of “Rolex® On A Redneck” isn’t just bad, it’s incriminating in the way it attempts to instill the audience with materialistic envy, preying upon hard working folks like a Home Shopping Network scam, or a popular hip-hop song. “Girl on your lap ’cause your paper’s to the roof,” Gilbert drools in this song like the tool he is. Dude, Brantley. Have you actually been to a fucking farm? The only papers they have to the roof these days are overdue bills. Why don’t you get your ‘roided-out, marble-mouthed ass off your palatial estate and go to an actual farm and find out how real farmers are out there suffering over soaring fertilizer and fuel prices, falling water tables, and inflation instead of tractor rapping over hip-hop beats and trying to pass it off as country? The funny thing is, even Brantley Gilbert’s own fans are in full revolt over this monstrosity. Far and away, the most popular comment on the YouTube video for this song says, “I’m dying for some old school BG, songs that were written from his heart and life experience. I want the world to know the Brantley us OG’s fell in love with back in the day. Imagine today’s country radio with Saving Amy, Picture On The Dashboard, You Promised, or Modern Day Prodigal Son.” But at this point, Brantley Gilbert has become a caricature of himself, while he was mostly a caricature to begin with, aside from a few good songs. If you go back and listen to Brantley’s “Saving Amy” and “Picture On The Dashboard,” it doesn’t even sound like the same artist. These days, Brantley Gilbert has fully embraced the douchebag sound indicative in songs like “Bottoms Up” and “The Weekend.” But perhaps no song has ever embodied his fake tough guy bravado mixed with consumerist fealty like “Rolex® On A Redneck.” Forget Jada Pinkett’s alopecia, where’s Will Smith to bitch slap Brantley Gilbert for co-authoring this abomination? Two Guns Way Down (0/10)

Aleksandr Lukashenko, Brantley Gilbert, Jason Aldean, Rolex On A Redneck

Joshua Scott Hotchkin March 30, 2022 @ 8:26 am

There are times when violence is justified. I agree that this is one of them. Sings: put a bullet in his nutsack

He’s gonna be at Wrestlemania this weekend would love to throw him in there with Brock Lesnar for a ass kicking 😂

My best friends wife handed me their new baby daughter the other day, who proceeded to instantly blow up her new baby diaper with a highly audible disgusting new baby sound. I prefer that sound on repeat to this musical fart noise.

This is the AAA reason I absolutely loathe the filthy, cheap-sounding slop labelled “country music”. It started in the 1980s and continues today. Slop it is…with Gilbert and “Heavyset with a hat” Aldean

I wasn’t 100% grossed out until he used the word Rollie. That took it into another dimension entirely.

The F-Two Fetti did it for me.

Well said. I just saw the title of the song pop up while scrolling through my Facebook feed yesterday and knew it would suck.

I think turkey season is in the spring, though. Which is not to say that these clowns are above poaching one whenever they feel like it.

I’m just laughing at the Jason Alden stock photo that was clearly photoshopped into the Brantley photo.

I noticed that too. Look at the picture on his “Complete Collection” playlist on Spotify. It’s the same image of him.

This review is gold! This song is a big POS unless you’re under 21 years old.

Maybe you should sit this one out. Sounds like you are triggered.

Triggering is justified. See also; name of this blog.

They almost certainly didn’t need to include the registered trademark symbol in the song title. Artists’ uses of trademarks in song titles and lyrics are generally “fair use,” which is why there are tons of songs about Jack Daniels, Chevy, etc. Makes me think they added the symbol because they think it looks cool.

Or they did it because Rolex paid them to. Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m sure the Brantley Gilbert signature timepiece is coming soon.

Wait, you think Rolex wanted to be associated with this?

Well they are, whether they wanted to be or not. It’d be hilarious to see them try and separate themselves from it though. What a slap in the face it’d be to little Brantley’s ego. “Keep my brand’s name out your MFin’ mouth.”

Take it you didn’t care for this effort. What I like best about your review is that you don’t give a sh*t. More power to your elbow Mr.

Sadly, I can picture the demographic this song is for, and they will love it. I live in the urban center of a rural state and there are so many people here who cosplay as country: sparkling F-250s on 22s, Yeti hats, Justin boots that only see pavement and tile floors. I laugh every time I see a guy in a Yeti hat or t-shirt, out there promoting that cold drink lifestyle lol. This taps into that brand-obsessed culture. I guarantee the next guy I see rocking a Yeti hat at the mall will have a Rolex on his wrist, presumably the size of a dinner plate, assuming I don’t hear this song echoing out of his Super Duty on dubs first.

Gotta weigh in against better judgement. Two things. Yetis and Benellis. First the Yeti. Its a nice cooler sure, but isnt cost effective. I go camping now and then, usually short trips. Its true my cooler needs refreshed with a new bag every other day, but who cares. I might spend 20 to 30 bucks on some ice for a 3 day trip. Oh the horror. Bought my non yeti at a garage sale for $25. Its huge, takes 2 to lift it full in the back of the truck. So a Yeti, similar size is gonna run 800. No brainer here. Unless you run some kind of guide service, why do you need a Yeti? Waste of money. I have a buddy with a Benelli. He isnt any better at blowing clays out of the sky than i am with my H&R. I recently got 10 out of 10 in my buddys field. Not bragging mind you, it was an exceptional day. Oh, ive shot Winchesters and Remingtons many a time, as well as my buddys Benelli. Eh…like the Yeti, its overrated. I guess these glam boys like the idea of an italian gun. Like it has a pedigree or something. Yeah, this song is way over the top stupid.

Yeah, my 20-year-old Coleman needs iced down every couple days on a week-long camping trip, but it was cheap and it gets the job done. It’s one of those ugly plastic ones that’s beat to hell and looks like shit. Some guy was handing out Yeti stickers at an event a few years ago, so I put it on the cooler lol.

And yeah, the Benelli thing is another hollow flex. Are they nice? Sure. Do they shoot any better than a Mossberg? Not really.

: D Ooh, an H & R huh? Nice. i have a little Beretta 950 Jetfire. Was my husband’s undercover pistol, for close-in work. Can not for the life of me, understand how he used it. My hands are tiny, and it fits me perfectly. He was 6’4″ with hands 2 sizes larger than mine. Have his .38, as well. That one really fit him.

Benali Super Black Eagle needs to be cleaned about a tenth as much as your H&R.

Trust me I have both.

If you’re duck hunting 60 days a season it’s worth the price difference.

Besides that you’re point is well taken.

Country Rap is nonsense much like most Rap music is nonsense. It’s a bunch of incongruent juvenile bragging that in no way lines up with real life.

That’s a blatantly racist statement Eric. Rap is the lived experience through a Black lense. Take your privilege elsewhere.

You listed to much rap lately? It ain’t what it used to be either. Just because someone makes critical remarks that offend you doesn’t mean they are racist but perhaps you are? Plenty of trash white rap out there too.

It’s fallen a long way from the purity of NYC hip-hop to pure dog pile.

Equating all black people to the negatives of rap culture, is racist. You probably think Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, and Sam Cooke were white.

As a huge Skynyrd fan, I watched a band documentary that showed up on one of my streaming services. I was very surprised that the documentary had a segment interviewing Gilbert and getting his opinion on the band. He was sitting in what looked like a shed with a bunch of bikers. My Brother in law runs a bike shop and I’ve hung out with those guys quite a bit and Gilbert is just a wanna tough guy. He’s like the guys you see at Billy Bobs who have never mounted a house but sure do try to dress like it.

His assessment of Skynyrd sounded like someone who has no idea that they have songs other than Sweet Home Alabama. Or maybe he’s like my wife’s friend who called me one time to tell me she saw the singer Lynyrd Skynyrd get off his bus. For the record, it’s an unpopular opinion but unfortunately the band Skynyrd ended in October 1977, and all that’s left is nothing more than a crappy cover band.

This song is a fairy tale for people who don’t know any better about farm life. Nothing in the song makes sense at all. But unfortunately, I am bound to hear it when my wife decides that we are going to listen to the Highway. I hope each day that somehow the Highway is dissolved from XM radio.

I just can’t stand the dude and am at a loss as to how people still listen to his music. But unfortunately, they do and that’s why we have this song. Not going to touch on Jason Aldean because I don’t have anything nice to say about him.

If you are looking for a great album that celebrates the working man the Monnpies album One to Grow On is a good choice. But heck if you are on this site you already know about that album.

Robert's Country Blog March 30, 2022 @ 11:18 am

“He’s like the guys you see at Billy Bobs who have never mounted a house but sure do try to dress like it.”

Aldean and Gilbert trying to mount a house is a rather disturbing image 🤣

“unpopular opinion but unfortunately the band Skynyrd ended in October 1977”

NO. that is the correct opinion

Dan Da Hootenanny March 30, 2022 @ 10:19 am

All you need to know about this song is that they rhymed “FTwoFiddy” (F-250) with Yeti…. The following words are included with this song….Warren Buffet, Malibu, Chevy, Yeti, Camo, Benelli, Rollie, Tick-tock. I swear machine learning AI programs can write better lyrics than this verbal garbage.

Sir Adam the Great March 30, 2022 @ 10:25 am

I don’t know what’s funnier: referring to Aldean “chubby and disappointing” or tagging Alexander Lukashenko at the bottom.

F this noise! New Willi Carlisle tune just dropped!

You had me at “fuck knuckle”.

This song was sponsored by: (insert sketchy Bankruptcy Attorney here)

Brantley Gilbert is for the kind of people who listen to Five Finger Death Punch, Three Day’s Grace, and Ryan Upchurch and country rap, basically the same music they listened to in high school. Their tastes never evolved and BG doesn’t ask that of his audience. That’s why they like him.

I think there is something hidden here. Although I have nothing to base it on, I think both of them put out this song as a middle finger to their critics. They now what the reaction will be. Sounds kind of twisted, but what isn’t twisted these days?

Well, his last single was literally called “The Worst Country Song of All Time.” I don’t know that he’s trying to flip off critics with this. But I’m pretty confident he doesn’t care what they have to say. That’s why if you’re criticizing this objectively, the joke’s on you. Best to answer his absurdity by being absurd.

I just don’t think self-awareness is Brantley Gilbert’s strong suit.

No criticism on your review. Far from it. It is just my assessment as to why this song would have ever seen the light of day. I think my original comment can be applied to “The Worst Country Song of All Time.” Regardless of his lack of self-assessment, there are other players in this, and it seems to me that SOMEONE would know the reaction to this song.

Kind of like the Kid Rock attitude, though Gilbert certainly does not have the career creds that Kid Rock does.

Oh well, this song will pass quickly and will be forgotten other than to his ardent fan base. The sad thing is Gilbert is better than this if he wants to be. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be.

Neil Young’s Potatoes March 31, 2022 @ 4:31 am

This is the journalism I expect from Trigger. Thank you for your analysis, it is spot on. Keep it up!

I love the lyric about giving the ‘Good Lord his 10%”….as if anyone enjoying this song is a regularly attending church member giving 10% of their paycheck to their church.

Sadly, even the people who have figured out tithing is a scam are still getting suckered by this type of hollow brand loyalty capitalism.

As a blanket statement, that is ignorant and incorrect. If circumstantial and accurately directed, it is founded in fact. I wish it were the latter.

These two idiots need to exit stage and quit destroying country music. If anything, mix yourselves a Taylor Hawkins cocktail and f off.

Wow, this is a new level of stupid. Trigger, you should write covering the top 20 or so worst country songs since 2010 or the past decade. While I love reading positive reviews and adding albums you cover to my playlist, I think these articles are hilarious.

That said, I remember hearing a live performance of Brantley Gilberts’ at a halftime show a few years back. It was so awful, I had to turn off the tv and spend the next few minutes washing my ears out with actual music.

This is horrible. Gilbert has a few decent songs in his early days, but goddam is this just formulaic bs as he’s made for a while. I don’t mind Jason Alden though. I agree that he has a lot of shit but I thought Macron had some decent songs and dirt road anthem is great. I just don’t think all of them are that bad.

I’m going to make one hugely cynical observation, and bet that this piece of toxic sludge will be a #1 hit on country radio before we can even get to the unofficial start of summer (Memorial Day), because this is proof positive that not only are Brantley Gilbert and Jason Aldean s***heads, so too are the corporate Nashville idiots who promote this kind of crap simply because it is a sure-fire “summer frat-party” moneymaker.

As the legendary novelist Upton Sinclair once said: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on him NOT understanding it.”

King Honky Of Crackershire March 30, 2022 @ 5:00 pm

Turkey Season is in the Spring. If you’re gonna position yourself as being countrier than the pop stars you make fun of, it would probably help to get your hunting seasons straight.

I did appreciate the line about the Yeti, though.

Yeah, somebody else said this too, but here in Texas, Fall is definitely the turkey hunting season. Thanksgiving? Christmas? I’m kind of surprised to hear there is a spring turkey hunting season, but I guess it’s different for every state, and looking over the regs, I guess Texas has a spring turkey hunting season too. But there’s definitely also one in the fall.

https://tpwd.texas.gov/regulations/outdoor-annual/regs/animals/turkey

Two seasons here in PA. Fall and Spring. West Virginia also.

If the majority of states have spring as their designated turkey hunting season, I’ll stand corrected. But there are certainly places where turkey hunting happens in the fall.

I’m not sure how it is now, but Fall used to be the bigger season here. Guys would shoot a turkey for Thanksgiving and then the whole family would complain about how dry and awful it was.

My boss was a big turkey hunter, but he got to the point where the real sport for him was being able to call them within range. He would call them in, point the gun, and then just let them go.

King Honky Of Crackershire March 31, 2022 @ 11:47 am

Ten-4, Trig. It’s Spring here in Arkansas.

Haha beat me to it! Spring here in Iowa too. C’mon Trig you poser 😉

You can blame Garth Brooks and Shanie Twain for getting the country not country music ball rolling. Trash

I really don’t see this as being much different than the rest of the mainstream so called country music that a great majority listen to today. I miss Haggard.

Do farm workers even wear watches? I am thinking a watch would interfere with all the equipment they typically handle.

fun fact, here in italy two of the worst, albeit huge, rap stars came out years ago with an album called: “comunisti col rolex” ( communists with rolex) and the Gilbert’s song is even worse than theirs!!

Obviously it depends on the farm and many other factors but at least out west there are plenty of farmers that are rich as shit and definitely would wear a Rolex.

I didn’t bother to listen to this song, so I won’t comment on it. Just thought it was hilarious that there is someone out there thinking that Gilbert was actually good at one time, and is upset he has sold out.

Not gonna lie, I have a soft spot for Brantley, but this song deserves every word in this rant. This “song” is complete and utter SHIT. Shallow, materialist bullshit for low info idiots hopped up on the white trash brand of dopamine.

That has to be one of the worst excuses for a song I’ve ever heard and I’ve heard lots of bad music. On the plus side, at least Yeti® and Benelli® rhyme. Why they passed up the chance to rhyme Rolex® with sex® is beyond me.

And yeah, while I do not condone violence, no jury in the land would convict you.

So he gives the Good Lord his required 10%, God does His part by making the singer rich and the singer pays God back by building a new church as he enjoys the gold digger in his lap?

Yeah, that’s not how this works. God will not be mocked.

Sounds like even the so-called BG Nation is disgusted with this one. Haven’t seen any of the typical “Y’all are haters,” “Country music must evolve,” “God bless you BG” comments from his stans here yet.

They tend to be a bit “slower” than regular folks.

“Why don’t you get your ‘roided-out, marble-mouthed ass off [your] palatial estate and go to an actual farm and find out how real farmers are out there suffering over soaring fertilizer and fuel prices, falling water tables, and inflation instead of tractor rapping over hip-hop beats and trying to pass it off as country?”

My great-grandfather was born in 1798; and while I never met him (I have heard many-a-story) about him from my late father; I’m sure he would be “appalled” at the current state of country music.

Thank you for introducing me to this song. I really like seeing how genres can blend together like this. It is pretty cool.

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